Rediscovery - 042
My daughter Golda picking dandelions
Rediscovering The World
I often forget that New Jersey is not just the "wannabe New York but couldn't cut it" state.
Actually, I live in the Garden State.
Springtime is a good reminder of that. The neighborhood is filled with bright pink cherry blossom trees and vibrant magenta azaleas. Our driveway is lined with white peonies.
My kids help me notice, too.
We get so caught up in our work and routines that we stop appreciating the things around us.
The flowers? The clouds?
They're amazing... if we take the time to notice them.
Anything whole world, too.
The explosion of colorful foliage this month combined with my kids' curiosity has me thinking about rediscovering.
When we stumble upon things we once knew but forgot, amazing things happen.
Let's open up some time capsules and reflect on what we rediscover.
Here we go.
Rediscovering Self
I recently finished a 4 year chapter.
Looking back, my life chapters are largely defined by a change in priorities.
"Introduction to Parenthood" starting with Lauren getting pregnant.
Before that, "Getting Serious" was another 4 year chapter.
The 5 year chapter preceding, "On My Own."
I could go back chapter by chapter to about age 4.
These periods of forming new identities are followed by periods of transition and ambiguity (that come with varying levels of unease).
My newest chapter seems to be "Suburban Dad."
Who is Jake with two kids and a house in the suburbs?
Who are my new friends? What are my new priorities and how do I spend my time?
I'm still feeling a bit unsettled in this new chapter.
It's not totally suiting me and I'm trying to define this new identity for myself.
In reflecting, I looked at some of the more memorable pieces of what's stuck with me the last six months. I skimmed old journal entries, letters, and sketchbooks. I watched old home videos (I think they're just called videos now?) and scanned old photos. I re-read Calvin and Hobbes, listened to Ben Folds Five, and re-watched Pixar's "Up".
In feeling lost and confused and in transition, my mistake was trying to define a new identity.
Instead, I'm rediscovering who I was already, just applying it now to a new context.
It felt at first like regression.
But the more I think about remembering and rediscovering myself, it feels reassuring.
I realized that going back to find myself is only regression if the update is worse.
It's only regression if I don't learn better or adapt in this version of myself.
Rediscovering who I am is not regression.
Rediscovering myself by looking into my past is just a way of reinforcing who I always have been.
You know who.
Rediscovering A Different Story
I caught the Peter Jackson documentary "Get Back" a few weeks ago.
For any Beatles fan like myself, the documentary– which captures the writing and recording of the Beatles final album, "Let it Be"–is like sitting in the studio with them in January 1969.
Watching the nearly 8 hours of footage, it felt like I was rediscovering the Beatles.
Four young guys (George was only 26!) and their wives just goofing around in the studio and writing songs millions of people now know the words to... seemingly out of nothing.
What was most hard to ignore was the shifting narrative from the mythology of the end of the Beatles. Prior to watching, it was common knowledge that Yoko Ono's influence broke them up. But watching the footage, Paul defends her and John's attachment to one another. Ono and Linda McCartney whisper and laugh together. George is actually the one that leaves (spoiler alert: only temporarily).
Rediscovering stories from the past can give us insight we didn't have at the time.
Through that lens, therapy is a form of rediscovery.
Storytelling and journaling are rediscovery.
Even history is paving a path to rediscovery.
There is no documentary about our lives.
But our news, our stories, and our history will live on.
As we capture this moment in history and teach our children the unfolding of events, how can we (re)tell it in ways that give a more full understanding of the events that connect stories and people?
History is ours to tell.
Rediscovering Inaction
It's hard to write an essay on rediscovery this month and not acknowledge that we're faced with the same horror and disgust and deep sadness that comes with reading news of another mass shooting.
We're re-realizing that white supremacy and domestic terrorism are still very much alive.
Not just in Buffalo or Uvalde but probably wherever you're reading this.
After we point fingers at politicians, the NRA, republicans.
After we identify issues like patriarchy, mental illness, gun law loopholes.
After we donate, sign the petitions, post, and retweet.
It's hard to know what to do.
In any crisis, it's always easier to blame than to take action.
As more people witness the crisis, there is an even greater diffusion of responsibility. With our accessibility to information millions of people are all witnesses to crises around the world.
And nobody does anything.
The blame and responsibility get shifted to other people...even from people in positions of power and authority (President Biden said "When are we going to stand up to the gun lobby?").
During a crisis, our goal should not be to figure out the solution.
No one of us can.
The goal is to not ignore the crisis and take some action.
Reaching out to lawmakers and lobbies.
Signing petitions and donating is great.
Post about issues that we care about.
And do it consistently.
That's hard.
But that's how crises get addressed.
Focused, persistent action is how change happens.
We can do hard things.
Andrea Salvatori
Rediscovering... Wait, What Is This?
On a lighter note...
One of my favorite things recently about Golda is the way she interprets language. She'll mishear the names of things and call something by the wrong name. And then commit to it. It's freakin adorable. The new name creates a renewed awareness.
So to bring this issue of rediscovery full circle, I present an incomplete list of the things Golda has reinterpreted.
Granola bar? Nah, call it a "gorilla bar".
Nachos have been renamed "chip salad."
To put hair in a ponytail, use a "hair-up."
M&Ms are simply "Nena Mems."
Sit on a blanket and eating outside is a "p'nick nick."
All melted cheese, like a grilled cheese sandwich, is "girly cheese."
Those green nuts in the shells are "mustachios."
Turning in circles over and over makes her really "busy."
Eating something plain is having it "by himself" (ex: "I want peanut butter by himself.")
Golda doesn’t like to put “blocks” on her bagel because they’re too fishy.
Sitting in a circle where someone taps people on the head to chase is "Dr. Goose."
Thank you.
For taking the time this month to read this email refrigerator.
Or, if you're just getting back into it, how appropriate given this month's theme.
I love hearing from you and what you're going through right now. How this theme or these ideas resonate.
Have a beautiful month.
See you in the next one.
With gratitude,
Jake
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