Hey there,

A look back– me at 3, 6, 9, 12, 20 and 35

Throwbacks

For months I've had this stack of photos on my floor.
Old Walgreens and Kodak envelopes from middle school and high school sat nearly a foot tall gathering dust. Until a few weeks ago, I never had the time to figure out how to digitize them.

But finally, this month I caved and bought a scanner.
The last three weeks I've been making my way through my adolescence, through my high school graduation and into young adulthood. It reminds me I'm expecting an invitation for my 20 year high school reunion later this year.

All that has me thinking a lot about nostalgia. I'm a sentimental person– often flipping through old journals, saving albums, and finding souvenirs.
In what ways is it helpful?
Could it be harmful?
How can we avoid it or do it more on purpose?

Let's reflect.

Nostalgia? Ugh.

ONE - The past isn't funny
I'm in the middle of a Peloton ride and the instructor is trying to be funny.
"Remember dial-up internet?" And starts laughing like THAT's a punchline without a setup.
I can mention VHS tapes and all the sticker labels. Sharper Image and Skymall. McDonald's Monopoly. TGIF. AOL CD-ROMs. The A/V cart being wheeled into class.

We're all on the inside of this not-funny joke.

TWO - The past doesn't hold up
I read the news about anti-Trans laws, anti-woke and anti-feminist leadership. It feels like we haven't changed or learned anything as a society.

But I recently watched a few 80s and 90s movies and it was crazy how old they felt.
(Or was it me that felt old?)
So much of our childhood favorites are now cringe-worthy.

The world is changing.
WE are changing.

THREE - The past wasn't better for everyone
For example: MAGA is rooted in nostalgia.

"Cameron and Ferris" Papercuts by Olly Moss, shown at Gallery1988

Nostalgia? Yay.

ONE - Nostalgia improves relationships
We make memories.
Then we become nostalgic and seek to recreate them with the same people.
Inside jokes create belonging and intimacy.

TWO - Nostalgia connects us to our past
We keep historical records for our future nostalgic self.

For ourselves: we journal, document our personal lives, and take photos (and even have been taught to smile in those photos) so we'll be able to remember and reminisce positively about today.

For society: we document our present to have an accurate representation so our future selves and generations to come can look back accurately on what happened. Nostalgia is the engine for preserving our cultural heritage.

THREE - Nostalgia is good for us
Studies have shown that those with nostalgia-proneness have higher psychological wellbeing. This idea is related to improved authenticity (connecting to our past self) and increased perceived social support.

Being sentimental can help us.

Untitled (Love During Pandemic) by Karman Verdi

Future Reminiscing

Last month I had a really difficult day.

We had been without childcare for nearly four full months. I was falling behind at work and overwhelmed. One Tuesday, I tried to fit an entire work day into the 2 hours during Abe's nap. Then I had to wake him up to pick up Golda from school.

For the next six hours, I was doing everything I could to keep them busy. We went to a diner for french fries and a cookie so I could answer some emails. They played in the sandbox in our backyard as I responded to Slack messages. I put some music on while I did some admin tasks and cooked dinner, the kids chasing each other and screaming in the dining room.

As I put Golda in the bath and took Abe to bed, I was reminded of a stoic meditation:
Imagine that you died.
You get to come back for one day.
And today is your day.

I reflect on the day's activities:
french fries and cookies at the diner.
Laughing in the sandbox.
Dancing to the Beatles in the kitchen.

I looked at Abe in my arms, drinking his milk.
"Kiss?" And he leans forward with puckered, wet lips.
I put him down and went back to Golda in the bathtub. Playing quietly with her back to me, fully entertaining herself by scooping water onto her bath toys.
And I started to cry.

What a perfect day.

Time Travel

There's a word in German, "Ostalgie" that describes a nostalgia for life in East Germany. These people who suffered under communism, incredibly difficult lives during The Cold War actually long for that time. What is that about?

It seems that our brain filters out the stress and softens the hardship we faced.

We remember the past fondly because as hard as it might have been, we got through it. We're here today.

The weird thing is, some days I feel it too.
I've recently felt nostalgic for early days of the pandemic.
I can listen to the playlist I made in March 2020
or get a whiff of bleach wipes
and I'm back in time.

In fact, as hard as your life is right now,
someday you’ll be nostalgic for today.

...

Thank you for opening the refrigerator today and replying with whatever this brought up for you. I love hearing from you.

I'll talk to you in the future,

Jake