Dear friend,

Childcare Nightmare

We're going for the record for longest streak of bad luck.
...at least with nannies.

Since Christmas, we've had 6 nannies.
We haven't had 3 full weeks of childcare since before Thanksgiving.
Two family emergencies, one found a better offer after one day, one mutual "this isn't working", and one that ghosted us after the first day.
Our latest Nanny feels like a great fit. But she just got strep throat last week. Then Covid this week.
WHAT?!

So the big question becomes:
Are WE are the problem?

I'm thinking about patterns this month.
What can the constant elements amid change tell us?
How do strings of events or behavior help us predict the future?
Or keep us safe? Or even reveal who we are?

Every month on the last Saturday of the month I've sent this.
52 months in a row. There was a time where never thought of myself as a writer.
But at some point, that consistent behavior –the pattern of showing up month after month– changes who I am.
I am a writer.

Let's keep the pattern going.

Friendship is a Pattern

Last week, I asked my friend Adam for a book recommendation.
He threw out (pun intended) an obscure novel about baseball called "The Art of Fielding."
While it was written more than 12 years ago, the crazy thing is...
I'm reading it right now.
To our surprise, we realized that this has actually happened at least 3 times in our 10 year friendship.

A few days later, my friend Emily and I realized that 11 years ago we were in Thailand together.
And 6 years before that we were neighbors in college.
I asked a question that made us both laugh. And then deeply think about the answer–
why are we still friends?

All of our long term friendships can't just be about nostalgia.
It's not about loyalty or having someone that knew us when we were clueless, young, and inexperienced.
We're friends because of a pattern.

We build our character one day at a time.
We become trustworthy because we've proven who we are in increments over time.
Our uniqueness is made of patterns.

Long term relationships are hard because we reveal more complex patterns in our identity.
We are not just the exciting adventurous first date personas we put on.
We are complex, messy, sometimes-annoying, sometimes-unpleasant roommates and partners.
And our friendships fall apart when our behavior (or theirs) is outside of the expected pattern for too long.

Our friendships last because our patterns match each other.
We seek reliability in the pattern.
We find comfort in consistency.
We know what we're getting because we've gotten it before.

(Isn't that why you're still reading this?)

*"Typology of Lego Computers" photo by Present and Correct*

Pattern Recognition and Creativity

Last week I used an artificial intelligence program to plan our family's meals.
It may sound a bit like the Jetsons, but I'm trying to lean into the idea of AI.
I've been thinking and reading about it a lot.

What AI software like ChatGPT does is learn patterns– in language or in code.
Then, it matches or extends those patterns.
That's it.

But as Seth Godin says, "it doesn't actually know anything."
It requires the human using it to ask a clever prompt or break down a complex problem into more understandable pieces and then put them together afterwards.
We may be entering a phase of the world with LOTS more computer-generated articles, emails, ads, and code.
The world of education and technology and content is about to change.

What's obvious is that there is power in pattern matching.
However, I don't see it as the end of the world or a replacement for humans.

I see it as a tool to extend the limits of human creativity.
In the same way that Photoshop or iMovie have opened new opportunities for new people to explore photography and video, AI opens new opportunity in coding, science, and writing to new people. Yes, people will lose their jobs and we'll all have to learn new skills. But isn't that the pattern of history?

Before photoshop was email. Before that: computers. Phones. Machines. Metalworking.

New tools extend humanity's abilities and our creativity.

Pattern ! Inter ! Rupt !

Choose a problem. Any problem.
Whether it climate change, political polarization, social media addiction, racism, antisemitism, patriarchy, the opioid crisis... it's all a pattern.
Mass shooting. Thoughts and prayers. Blame. Posting. Repeat.

We are pattern-making machines.
We like things the way things have always been more than we like change.
Because starting a new pattern is hard. Someone has to design a new pattern, then recruit people to understand it and pass it on.

Then millions of people must change their everyday behavior and that shift is deeply uncomfortable and that's part of why it doesn't happen.
We might want it to change, but it mostly doesn't.
We like things the way they are because it's predictable.
In some ways, we know what to expect because of the pattern that's come before.
Patterns help us predict the future.

But what happens when things don't go as planned?
Pandemic. Climate disaster. A sudden death. Accident. Trauma.
We can't predict them. We can't prepare for them. And those pattern interruptions are the best way to shake us into change.

We need new patterns.
We need to interrupt the existing and expected sequences of events in order for things to get better.
How has the pandemic shaped you for the better?
What have you (we) learned from the last mass shooting?
How do you want to make things better than the last generation?

Predicting anything is dangerous.
Because the past is not always an indicator of the future.
Eventually, patterns are broken.
And we can be the one to do it.
We have that power.

Clear eyes.
Full hearts.
Clam juice.