Respite - 049
A snack in the Emergency Room for Abe
Dear friend,
Happy (almost) new year!
I gotta say, this past month has been the most challenging of the year.
My business partner and I are taking on work as our third partner is out on parental leave.
Then, two weeks ago, our nanny was out for a full week with RSV and yesterday just resigned for the new year.
As if that wasn't enough, Abe cut his finger and had to go to the ER.
On top of THAT (dayenu, amirite?), Lauren and I both got Strep throat.
Both had fevers.
Aaaaand both pinched nerves in our backs.
Oooooof.
Despite all that, I've noticed something interesting.
We've been playing a game every night at dinner called "best part of your day."
By reflecting on a daily good moment, it's actually helped me try and create one.
I've been telling jokes in every Cave that I lead.
I look for opportunities so Lauren and I both take Golda to school as a "special treat."
I know lots of people have had difficult years, far more difficult than our temporarily challenging month.
Maybe you're going through a tough time in your relationship or just got laid off.
Maybe someone you love is in pain or your life plans were crushed.
It's not a competition.
We're all deserving of a little relief from this hardship.
This month, I’m exploring respite.
Take a deep breath, lay back and enjoy the snacks in this refrigerator.
Nature Needs Rest Too
On an unseasonably warm December afternoon, I walked out our back door to something incredible.
Right there in our backyard, a large deer was just laying in the sun.
We both did a double take. And stared.
Blink. Blink.
I slowly walked past her and climbed in my car.
About an hour later, I took a call while I went for a walk outside.
Sure enough, there she was–up walking in the backyard, nibbling from the bushes.
As I'm hanging up, I turn the corner to head home.
The doe emerges from behind our car and marches into the front yard.
Suddenly, three young spotted fawns gallop out from the bushes like puppies whose owner just walked through the door. They rush up to her, snuggle her face and jump on her back.
Then crowd underneath and push their way in to drink from her teat.
And she's looking at me.
Staring.
Blink. Blink.
She looks disengaged. Uncomfortable but lets them eat anyway.
Without warning, she kicks her hind legs high in the air and over the fawns.
The doe walks on.
I can't stop thinking about that mother deer in our backyard.
She needed a moment to rest, away from her kids.
Taking some time to herself.
Amen.
Measuring Rest
Around this time last year, I was discussing annual reviews with my friend Susie.
She was explaining her whole system and then mentioned a life category I had never considered tracking:
REST.
It makes perfect sense:
measuring something makes me pay attention more.
When I notice something more, I'm more likely to make sure it happens.
Tracking can help with accomplishment.
And I can use that logic to rest more.
So with her inspiration, I kept track of rest this year.
Some of my tasks in that category this year were to:
✅ Read 12 Fiction Books - (13 so far)
✅ Sit in a hot tub for 20 minutes and read 5x
✅ Take 3 afternoons off for myself
✅ Go for a long walk by myself
✅ Take a kid on a hike
✅ Hire a babysitter for a night out
✅ Take 26 Naps - (34 actually)
✅ Average >7 hours of sleep/night for 2022 (Currently 7.54!)
We're can be so focused on being productive that rest seems wasteful.
But rest helps us restore our energy.
Rest can be joyful.
Rest creates light.
Rest is resistance.
Rest is necessary.
Falling Short Isn’t Failing
Let's say I wanted to run across the world–the entire 24,901 miles in under 3 years.
For over a year, I trained my body to perform at its peak.
I began the journey and ran 15-20 miles every single day.
After day 1092, I stumbled and broke my leg.
350 miles short of my goal.
I have to stop, there's no way to finish.
Did I fail?
For a lot of people, the answer is yes. Not achieving a goal is a failure.
But I was driven with purpose.
I have so much to show for the consistent, intense effort for so many days. So many years.
It's rare that we accomplish everything we set out to do.
Our plans change, life happens, other people get in our way.
I personally have over a dozen things I was hoping to accomplish this year that are left unchecked.
Write 10 songs? Ha.
Rennovate our Kitchen? HAH!
Take a Ferris Bueller day with Lauren? Pshhh.
100 minutes of meditating in a week? Lol.
But they're not markers of failure. I spent time playing and writing music this year. We furnished and decorated a majority of the house, just not the kitchen. Lauren and I went on more dates this year than the last two years combined. I developed an almost-daily practice of meditating.
Defining a purposeful direction, making a consistent effort, and incremental progress is how ANYTHING meaningful gets done.
If you're looking at your incomplete goals this year as a sign of failure, look again.
Recognize the effort.
Give yourself a break.
You deserve it.
The opposite of achievement isn't necessarily failure.
I'm wishing you a happy and healthy new year, filled with plenty of respite.
Thanks for spending your day today reading this. As always, I love hearing your reflections and disagreements about this month's refrigerator.
With gratitude,
Jake
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