Happy Thanskgiving, friend,

Unintended Side Effects

As Golda shuffles into the kitchen early one morning, I can tell something is off.
"Dada... My eaaaaar huuuuuurts"

She complains when we turn off the TV mid-movie.
When the strawberries are cut wrong.
And that her ice water is too cold.
But never about pain.

No surprise to us or the doctor: she has an ear infection.
Twice a day for 10 days, she has to take amoxicillin. Which apparently has no side effects.

Except one.

No one mentions that giving a 4 year-old medicine against her will is awful.

The first two times she screamed in tortured agony for 50 minutes (not an exaggeration) until I had to hold her limbs down while Lauren pinched her cheeks open and syringed it in her mouth. Traumatizing for everyone.

Eventually, it did get better and we made it through 20 doses.
But it got me thinking about the side effects of our actions, our work, and our lives.

Let's explore the ones we aren't warned about, the ones we ignore, the ones we can't ignore, and the ones no one is talking about.

Open wide.

*"Head of Mussolini" by* *Renato Bertelli*

What We Make

Around this time of year, Trader Joes sells one of my favorite things.
It's a bar snack mix– sesame crackers, peanuts, cheddar rockets and a few others.
They've managed to repackage the broken chips and crackers into something that I actually look forward to.

I aspire to be like TJ; I want to repackage crumbs and garbage into something actually desirable.
Because everything that I make– heck, everything that is made–has a byproduct.
It's just not always immediately visible.

Even our email has a carbon footprint.
Digital storage requires server space which requires computers and energy to run.
More email means more energy needed.

We can't hide or ignore the side effects simply because we don't like or want them.
But when we become more aware of the by-products, we can repackage what we might otherwise throw away.

The lesson we learned from choosing the wrong path could be repackaged as advice.
The blog post that took days to write and edit could be repurposed as an Instagram post or YouTube video.
The money we spent on that digital product that failed could be shared as open source code.

The better we get at repackaging our waste, the less waste there is.
It's good for business. It's good for a more sustainable world.

*"Mom 2021", Post-Partum Self Portrait by Rianca Koeman*

The Side Effects of Trying

Last month, I went for a walk with this guy.
I don't know what to call him.
He's a neighbor and his kids go to the same school as mine.

We were at a school event, actually, discussing a book we both had recently read.
When without warning, Abe runs off and I have to chase him. I suggested we go for a walk the next week, sans kids.

Now, we're, I dunno, sort of, like, actual friends, maybe?

When we moved to the suburbs a year ago, we had no friends.
And now it feels like I actually might have a few.

I'm noticing that most of my friendships began with an act of bravery. Social risk-taking.
Or, put another way, relationships are the effects of effort.

When I ask for time, I'm rewarded with conversation.
When I show up, serendipity rides in on my coat tails.

And as relationships develop, what gets left behind are monuments.
Places where memories were created.
That's the bench where we first talked.
This is the corner where I asked.
Here is the room where we got the news.

We grow and forget these monuments, and walk past them every day.
But sometimes it's nice to stop and read the plaque, even in my own back yard.
Remember that life?

Our lives are sequences of effects of our choices.
One consequence is linked to the next.
And the chain of serendipity often starts with one act of effort.

The Effects of The Time

Our 1 year-old son was born mid-pandemic.
He rarely sees people besides our family and nanny.
He stares at strangers like they're aliens.

What has this era done to us?

Many of the side effects we are all experiencing are real.
They're heavy, dramatic, and upsetting.

But there's good news (a light just went on in the fridge).

Side effects aren't all negative. They can also be beneficial.
For example, most women already know that contraceptive pills help with regulating acne.
My hope is that amidst the obvious negative effects of the time we're living in, there will be positive ones, too.

A generation more politically active.
A newfound awareness of climate change and climate action.
A desire for more real, more human interactions.

And so much more.

...

Hey, thank you for opening the fridge this month.

Hopefully a light went on for you.

-Jake