Belated :: 093
Oh hey, friend
We Learn Things Too Late
The week I've been looking forward to is here. No more "who needs swim stuff and who doesn't need lunch and what time is this camp's bus?" Because school starts on September 1st. Finally, I can get back to a routine with predictable childcare and a single dropoff.
Except that I was just getting the hang of summer. And now it's over.
Feels like that's how most of life goes. I was just feeling like I understood the game of dating and then I got engaged. I was finding the rhythm of marriage until we had kids. I had the freelancing life I'd dreamed of and then took a full-time job. I knew how to do my job well until I got promoted to a job I had no idea how to do.
We're always one step too late. Once we've learned the lesson, we can move on. We creep up to mastery but it is so often out of reach as we continue to learn and climb.
As August is coming to a close, I'm thinking about being behind. Just a little late. Let's talk about a changing world and waiting to take action vs striking, what to do when things fall apart, and being late to adopt trends.
Ready? No rush. Take your time.
We're Always Late
It used to be that a big change would happen and it would take years for the impact to be felt. Things like the internet and smart phones, digital advertising and sustainable energy.
And people would wait. We would notice the change and lay low while chaos subsides and then they'd take action. How is this war going to affect supply chains and my pricing? Does this drama affect me? Is this new thing a lasting trend or just a flash in the pan?
But the way things are working now is different. The movement is much faster. Things are happening and before it has a chance to settle in another thing is happening over there.
There's no time to wait. Everything feels urgent.
But here's the truth I learned from my marathon coach in college: You'll never win the race to be first. And you'll never be last.
It's ok not to be first. In fact, no matter how fast we are, there are likely other people who are hedging a bet and trying to be faster.
So by that math, we're always going to be late. And no action is the end of the world. It'll be fine. We see a thing happen and we react. Action leads to reaction. Forever and ever.
Waiting isn't going to make things any better or clearer. Because more change is coming. All we have to do is react. And not worry if we're too late.
Because we always are.
Just act.
Repair
Last week, Abe was wearing his Spiderman halloween costume when one of the seams in the fingers ripped. He's had it for 3 years and wears it all the time. And it was a hand-me-down, so who knows how old it is.
Part of me wanted to just throw it away. It barely fits anymore. But he loves it so much that I invited him up to my office and mended the seam. Nevermind that he was still wearing it while I sewed. It's repaired.
It got me thinking about making things last. After a thing is in use for a while, it's inevitable that it fall apart a little.
Not just costumes and clothes. Technology. Tools. Houses. Relationships, too.
They all eventually need repair.
If we want to make our favorite things last longer we need to learn how to mend.
Speaking with an Accent
I remember being in Tel Aviv when I was 16 and a teenage kid coming up to me and asking what time it was in Hebrew. I was so proud of myself to know what he was asking, know how to answer.
"Ar-bah v-ray-vah" -> 4:15.
And instead of saying thank you he laughed at my heavy American accent. My pride quickly shifted into embarrassment.
Speaking with an accent means that I'm easily identified as an outsider. I'm pegged as someone who doesn't quite fit in.
There's a similar feeling that's happening these days at work. I don't really get "slime." I'm not really "in the feels." And I will never use "I am the birthday."
I'm struggling with how much I feel like I should be adopting new trends and language. Every time I say "bro, I'm cooked", it's cringe. It's cheugy.
Keeping up means being cool and I want to be cool. But I have to accept the fact that I'm not 20. I don't have to fit in. I just have to be able to communicate.
When I was 28 I moved to Tel Aviv for 6 months and hired a private tutor to help me work on my hebrew accent. Twice a week we would get coffee and talk about our week. I got comfortable speaking and started to care less that my accent wasn't perfect. Because I was having real conversations.
Learning a new language is a process of getting more comfortable having an accent. At first speaking feels silly. But speaking with an accent is crossing the aisle. It's how to talk to someone else. And if the fear of being made fun of for having an accent stops me from opening my mouth, then I'll never communicate in the first place.
So when I write "tysm bro" or say "low key vibes" and "that was mid" I feel like I have an accent. who cares? It's in service of connecting with my colleagues. I'm making the effort. I can always have an accent but I shouldn't stop communicating.
Getting older means not caring if what I'm doing is cool. And at the risk of sounding like an old man, knowing how to relate to other people is cool.
No cap.
'Madre Nuestra', portrait by Nieves González
Late Notice
Earlier this month, I reconnected with some of my old classmates. People I hadn't seen in over 15 years. Catching up, it felt strange to congratulate someone for career success they had over a decade ago. Or a marriage that happened before Harry and Megan's. Or kids that were born during the Obama administration.
Congratu... late-tions?
It felt strange but these life updates were news to me. Maybe it's never too late to share praise and congratulations.
Perhaps it's a side effect of living in a world of fast-decaying social media news. Things that we posted or shared yesterday already have a stink to them. That pace has shifted our mindset to always being looking for the next bit of news. Relevance. Updating our lives to keep up with the pace.
At a slower pace, we can remember that our biggest life milestones are worth celebrating and recognizing not just in the days following. But for the rest of our lives.
It's never too late.
___________
Thanks for reading this and spending some time with me today, even if it wasn't on the day I sent it. And even if you want to respond 6 months from now, I always love hearing from you.
Until next month, refridgeyalater.
-Jake
For my local friends, speaking of late notice: I'm playing at Porchfest in Maplewood on Sunday September 6 at 1pm. 75 Concord Ave. Come!
Hey! I almost forgot.Before It's too late:
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A few topics I cut from this month: tech trends like AI, crypto, bitcoin, NFTs, and iPhones. Late bloomers.
The Email Refrigerator is a monthly delivery of essays, poetry, imagery, and thoughts, written and curated by Jake Kahana. Why a refrigerator? Well, it's where we look for snacks, a little freshness, and where we hang the latest, greatest work. And besides, "newsletter" sounds like spam.